Instill good manners by playing
Good manners are instilled in children from childhood: first by parents, then by educators and teachers. But the effect is small. Why?! Perhaps the whole point is that the rules of etiquette are taught in a too boring and edifying manner?!
Unwritten rules
The norms of etiquette, although they are described in various sources, are “unwritten” - after all, they are not enshrined in any law. This is a kind of agreement between people to behave in a certain way. Etiquette determines the rules of behavior of people in a variety of places and under a variety of circumstances: • when meeting people • at the moment of greeting and farewell • in public places (transport, road, festive events, museum, cinema, theater, circus, clinic, library, hairdresser, restaurant, etc.) • in a telephone conversation • how to behave at a party • how to receive guests • how to behave at the table • how to correctly write letters, respond to letters • communicate with strangers, friends, older people • use polite words (request , gratitude, sympathy) • choice of clothing and hairstyle for different events (dress code) • personal hygiene and health care • attitude to material values • concept of taste, beauty, fashion, style
Just listing the topics according to the rules of etiquette looks impressive. But you need to remember the rules for each topic and, most importantly, follow them. And, always. It is believed that the highest level of human culture is to observe the rules of etiquette even when you are alone, and no one can monitor whether you are observing etiquette or not. The question arises: how to instill such a high culture in children?
Morals on etiquette
Acquaintance with etiquette begins from early childhood, consciously - from the age of 5. How does this usually happen? Special classes are held in kindergartens and schools - lessons on ethics and aesthetics. And let the teachers not be offended by me, but they are, as a rule, boring, edifying, in a completely one-sided form of memorizing the rules. And what is the fate of all such moral teachings? We get the opposite effect - we don’t want to follow the rules.
This concerns the theoretical part on etiquette. How is etiquette practically taught? Even worse. I would even say, in violation of all the rules of etiquette. Shouts, punishments, dictates. “Don’t slam the door!”, “Wash your hands!”, “Sit up straight!”, “Take your elbows off the table!”, “Take your time, chew your food thoroughly!”, “Don’t talk with your mouth full!”, “Don’t slurp! ", "Cover your mouth when you sneeze!", "Give way to grandma!" And the most paradoxical thing in this series is this: “Why are you screaming like crazy?!” (naturally, indignant adults shout this phrase like crazy). All this would be funny if it weren't so sad.
It is not enough for children to say: “Do it this way and not that way.” It would be nice to explain why not otherwise. And it would be even better to instill the rules of etiquette not directly, but indirectly, gradually, so that the child himself would like to follow them.
Exactly the opposite
Grigory Oster once proposed a very unconventional way to instill good manners when he wrote “Bad Advice.” The idea of coming up with harmful advice instead of useful ones came to his mind for a completely understandable reason. Most often, children protest against everything that is advised to them and do the opposite. And if such children are given harmful advice, then by doing the opposite, they will do the right thing. Well, for example,
There is no more pleasant activity than picking your nose. Everyone is terribly interested in what is hidden inside. And whoever is disgusted to look, let him not look. We don’t get in his way, let him not pester him either.
If you come to see your friends, don’t say hello to anyone, don’t say the words “please” or “thank you” to anyone. Turn away and don’t answer anyone’s questions. And then no one will say about you that you are a talker.
If you get your hands dirty with salad at dinner and are embarrassed to wipe your fingers on the tablecloth, lower them unnoticeably under the table and calmly wipe your hands on your neighbor’s pants.
On the cover of this collection of poems it is honestly written “A book for naughty children”, and below there is a note - “Obedient children are prohibited from reading.” An amazing bait, don't you agree? Of course, there is another little trick: all the poems are written with an extraordinary, subtle sense of humor. Combining the contrarian method with a sense of humor is a good way to actually teach etiquette and ridicule ignorance, in this way clearly demonstrating how a truly polite and cultured person should behave and why it is bad to do otherwise.
Teddy bear etiquette
Once I observed such a scene in the nursery. My 5-year-old daughter was playing with her favorite teddy bear. She spoon-fed him and told him: “Please don’t slurp. This is not appropriate!" It is clear that the toy bear could not slurp, my daughter just wanted to teach him good manners. And, without knowing it, she gave me another idea on how to teach etiquette to children. In Game. With dolls and plush toys.
Children do not like to learn rules in class; they do not like to be told off and their behavior corrected (and even if this happens in a harsh form). But children are not against following the rules of etiquette. And they understand that living by the rules is more convenient for everyone. Children get bored with the same monotonous role of a student sitting at a desk. And I really want to feel like a teacher.
By playing with dolls and plush toys, children learn etiquette very readily. Adults can only throw up more and more new situations that will be played out in order to cover all cases in life where you need to know the rules of etiquette.
Playing by the rules of etiquette
Play is the best way for children to learn. And, of course, not only by playing with dolls you can teach children etiquette. You can teach children good manners through many different games, where (uniquely!) the rules of etiquette become the rules of the game!
SITUATION. For the game, ordinary everyday situations are selected: “Greetings and introductions”, “Telephone conversation”, “How to give gifts”, “How to behave in public transport”, “How to behave in an auditorium”. Invite children to create a story with and against the rules. You can suggest illustrating invented stories with scenes. Don't forget about your sense of humor.
TORN NOTES. The rules of etiquette are written on the notes so that they are formulated in two parts: conditions and correct behavior. Then all the notes are torn into 2 parts and mixed. Children need to restore the torn notes by correctly selecting the corresponding parts.
LETTERS OF HER MAJESTY'S COURTESY. Children write letters to each other (and maybe even adults) telling them whatever they want. The main thing is not to violate etiquette when presenting the content. Letters are sent by email. And the second stage - the recipient of the letter must evaluate it from the point of view of compliance with the rules of etiquette. Moreover, you can check two things in compliance with the rules of etiquette: by writing a letter and by behavior in the situations described in the letter.
DORITHMUY. Not a difficult game. Suitable for kids. Adults read the poem without finishing the phrase, and children add the necessary words at the end of the line. For example, Take part in the exchange of kind words and speak more often... (hello)
You need to know how twice makes two Everything... (magic words)
Don’t be afraid to say up to a hundred times a day... (please).
DIALOGUE WITH SUBTEXT. This game is usually very fun to play. It is based on Vadim Levin's poem "Mr. Snow". - Mister Snow! Mister Snow! Will you come visit again? - In one hour. I give you my word. - Thank you, Mr. Snow... This poem is universal in the sense that with the same text it can express completely different subtexts, including the exact opposite: delight, joy, restraint, indifference, disappointment, grief, fear, horror. Each child performs the poem, with others guessing the subtext and discussing the extent to which each reading was considerate of Mr. Snow.
Polite-bearish
They teach etiquette and works of art. Some directly, others in a more veiled form. Children read, become captivated by the plot, empathize with the characters, and between the lines they learn the rules of behavior. There are many wonderful creations that could be included in an etiquette book. Here are just the most popular: 1. “A very polite turkey” (B. Zakhoder) 2. “Politeness lesson”: A bear of five or six years old was taught how to behave... (S. Marshak) 3. “Moidodyr”, “Fedorino’s grief” (K. Chukovsky) 4. “The Tale of Lost Time” (E. Schwartz) 5. “The Little Prince” (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
Theater of Good Manners
It is very useful to stage performances based on literary works with children. Etiquette and theater are inseparable. Firstly, all works, one way or another, teach etiquette in the broadest sense, namely the rules of communication between people - kindness, justice, tact, sympathy, friendship. Secondly, the historical background of any play reflects the etiquette of its time. Thirdly, when playing a role, the child lives according to the rules of etiquette if the role is positive, and against the rules if the role is negative. The experience of such living will give the child the opportunity to feel everything himself. Not to understand, not to know, not to memorize, but to FEEL. And this will best teach the child to follow the rules of etiquette.
For what, exactly?
Any theory without practice is dead. If your child communicates little, leads a secluded lifestyle, if you do not visit theaters, museums, cafes with him, if you do not like to visit or receive guests, then the situations in which the child will need to apply the rules of etiquette will be very limited, reduced to a minimum . Naturally, something that does not require use will reasonably be considered unnecessary by your child.
The task of parents is, first of all, to socialize the child’s life in the most optimal way. This will both develop it culturally and make the concept of “etiquette” vitally necessary. Children will observe the behavior of other people in different circumstances, see what is meaningful to others, and begin to look at themselves from the outside. They will no longer learn the rules themselves, but how to interact with other people according to these rules.
And most importantly! Parents, follow the rules of etiquette yourself. Necessarily. Even the most boring games will not teach children good manners if they do not have a worthy example to follow in your face. To ensure that your baby grows up to be a real gentleman or lady, be a gentleman or lady yourself.
Author: Inga Zayonts
