Project "Family": how to get the highest return on investment
I myself have been in the corporate race for a long time, trying to find a balance between work and family. Until I realized that personal relationships can also be translated into the language of business that is close and familiar to me, and then the cause-and-effect relationships will become clearer and the results more predictable.
As soon as you look at your family as a project, your head automatically switches from the passive process “maybe” mode to the project approach. After all, what do we usually do when we need to build relationships? We watch and wait for it to happen. What does a project manager do? Breaks the project down into parts and acts.
Family as a startup
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Every family at the beginning of its journey is a startup. Any startup will break down a project according to Osterwalder’s outline: the investor invests time and resources, the partners agree on joint goals and achieve them. There is also the added value of the project - what does it exist for, besides making money. So it is in the family. With this approach, you understand that you are each other’s partners and mutual investors, you have joint resources and responsibilities. In this case, for your own happiness and your mutual effectiveness. A family, like any other project, goes through three stages: searching for a partner and due diligence; investing in an object; receiving dividends.
Stage one: search for an investment property and its due diligence (in-depth analysis and study of the risks and opportunities associated with the acquisition of the property).
What do we do in business when we need to find a candidate for a job or a client for a product? We are building a sales funnel. When I was in search of personal happiness, I approached the search for an object in exactly this way. I started looking not for “a man to marry,” but for a partner for the “Family” project. I built a funnel of candidates for this position. Then I worked in recruiting, and every day I met dozens of men. In five years, 5,000 people passed through the top field of my funnel. All those with whom I spoke, interviewed or met outside of work. Someone moved to the “interest” stage, then to the “dating” stage, romantic relationships began with five men, but only three passed the “strong connection” stage. And not a single man made it to the final “husband” field.
At some point I clearly realized the problem. There were 5,000 men around me, but not one of them became a husband (in business we say “did not convert”). I analyzed what was wrong. As in recruiting: either the problem is in the upper field of the funnel - there are not enough candidates in quantity; or there is a quality problem, which is why the conversion between stages is so low. And if I could still do something with quantity: I went to places where candidates were concentrated, increased the number of vacancies, then I could not do anything with quality, being in the same environment. I calculated that it would take me at least 7.5 years to find the man of my dreams given the current conversion rate and the incoming flow of candidates. That is, at best, by the age of 35, I will be able to achieve what I expected at 25.
You can analyze your situation right now. Calculate how long it will take you to find a partner given the current flow and conversion? How many men are entering your funnel right now? Multiply the number of contacts by the number of days - you get the number for the year. How many of them make it further down the funnel based on past experience? Calculate how many more years will pass until the only one you need filters out.
This calculation is sobering. Add here the period of development of relationships, courtship, mating dances. In my case, nothing significant could be done with the incoming flow of candidates - neither qualitatively nor quantitatively in the environment where I lived, so I needed to change the environment itself in order to receive many times more candidates and of a different quality. So I moved to Moscow and ended up at Skolkovo Business School, where my environment changed a lot, and therefore the quality of potential candidates too.
Stage two: investing in the object (development of relationships and grinding in). We know from business that it is important to establish proper communication in a team. If it's not going well, anyone in HR will encourage you to give each other feedback. In relationships, the feedback questionnaire works the same way.
When I met my future husband, at first I didn’t understand him at all: sometimes he himself proposes a meeting, sometimes he disappears for several days, sometimes he writes hot text messages, sometimes he doesn’t write anything at all. And then I did what any HR would do in my place when faced with such an employee on probation. I sent him a feedback questionnaire. And in it I placed a Likert scale “hot-cold” with questions that tormented me: How much time do you need to communicate per day? What type of communication is preferable for you: telephone, SMS, letter, Skype? How often should you call each other?
The husband, at that time a “probationary candidate,” filled out the questionnaire. And then he invited me to fill out exactly the same one so that I could exchange and discuss them. We got a 180 degree assessment. Then he admitted that it was at that moment that he began to consider me seriously. And I just used an effective business tool.
Stage three: receiving dividends. Once the foundation of the relationship is built, you can receive mutual growth and fruits in the form of children and joint projects. Once you become an effective team, it's time to think about what it's all about. How to extend your project called “Family”? What will new generations of investors, your children and grandchildren be passionate about?
In business at this point we talk about mission and vision. A family can also have its own vision - how you see this world and your role in it, what goals, long and short, you set for yourself as a couple. You may have a big dream - something that unites you not for a year, not for two, but for many years to come. This could be a dream beyond life and a family mission that your grandchildren and great-grandchildren will realize. Write books, teach others, create a common business, help the poor, raise foster children. After all, you as a couple can give society a cultural, educational or material legacy so that your family life will not be in vain.
When a big dream or a joint mission is defined, the question arises of how to make the dream a goal. We are familiar with SMART goals from business, so why not do the same with your family goals? After all, the dream of “writing a book together,” “building a family nest,” or “starting a family business” becomes a realistic, achievable goal as soon as deadlines are defined, tasks are set, and priorities are identified.
In our family, we plan according to Verne Harnish’s “Rules for Profitable Startups.” We define a big dream that we strive for throughout our lives, prioritize it for this particular year, cascade goals for quarters, months, and hold daily family planning meetings to gradually move towards these goals together.
And where is the love?
You ask me: everything is so cold and businesslike, but where is the love? I'll answer you. Working together on family goals is a good foundation on which to build a relationship, and the initial emotional butterflies in the stomach can turn into an effective project. It is the conscious project approach that does not exclude the feeling, but provides the basis for its continuation. The family becomes a territory where its own rules apply and where conflict or divorce becomes simply unprofitable - too much has been invested. And then the “butterflies in the stomach” (or in the head) will not interfere, but help. The very love that we are waiting for and looking for will stand forever on the strongest foundation - conscious choice, strong investments and pleasant dividends.
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