Self-esteem of a preschooler: how the child is progressing in self-awareness

Self-esteem is a complex psychological concept that includes a person’s image of himself. Psychologists distinguish several types of self-esteem:

• understated;
• overpriced;
• adequate.

Self-esteem begins to form in preschoolers from a very early age, when the child does not have his own value judgments about himself, under the influence of his immediate environment.

The main factors on which self-esteem is formed:

1. Feeling of psychological protection.
2. A healthy atmosphere in the family where the baby is growing up.
3. Attentive but unobtrusive participation of adults in the child’s life.
4. Empathy or compassion on the part of parents.

What is self-esteem?

This concept includes:

• a person’s general idea of ​​himself - his “value” (advantages and disadvantages, positive and negative qualities, etc.);
• personal significance in the lives of others.

It is the basis of everything on which self-confidence is built.

Psychologists believe that the level of self-esteem depends on the ratio of two quantities - requirements (claims) for oneself and one’s capabilities.

Objective self-esteem presupposes the correspondence of desires, goals, requirements for others and for oneself and a person’s capabilities (physical, moral, material and others). Thus, when planning certain actions, the subject must understand whether he can afford it.

The components of such a behavioral reaction are two inextricably linked components:

• cognitive - everything a person knows about himself;
• emotional - his attitude towards his own personality.

In the future, self-esteem allows you to:

• measure strengths and capabilities;
• evaluate actions;
• divide them into good and bad;
• despite possible failures, gather strength and move towards the intended goal.

Self-esteem plays a huge role in a child's life. It teaches self-analysis, motivates, and helps build normal relationships with other people.

Ways to correct self-esteem

By putting self-esteem correction methods into practice, you will help your child avoid difficulties in the future.

1. Don't compare your child with his peers. It is unacceptable to say: “But Dima has already completed his homework and is walking in the yard, and you are still sitting over your textbook.” Parents must understand that each child has different abilities - this is the first thing. The most important task of a parent is to discern his child’s talent or lack thereof. Evaluate your child's abilities soberly. There are no people who are successful in all areas.
2. Don't forget to praise your child. For most children, praise is the biggest motivator. Praise your child for the result of something. The baby will conquer new and new heights for the sake of the cherished words of mom and dad: “what a great guy you are,” “we are proud of you,” “keep it up.”
3. Respect your child's personal space. It is important for a child that close people value his world. Treat your child's personal belongings and toys with care. Let him understand that he is loved, appreciated and respected.
4. Adequately assess your child's abilities. You should not make excessive demands on your baby. If your son or daughter is in 2nd grade, they are not required to know the 5th grade program, even if one of their classmates easily mastered the program.
5. Don't criticize the person. Don't scold or yell at your baby if everything doesn't work out the first time. Better help overcome difficulties and enjoy successes and achievements together.

Talk to your child more often, so you will understand what he is missing. Trusting relationships between parents and children are much easier to form in a child’s preschool age than in adolescence.

Prerequisites and stages of formation of self-esteem

The unborn baby begins to develop self-esteem. The fact of the emotional connection between mother and child has long been proven. A woman’s experiences directly affect the fetus. If the pregnancy is desired, the mother happily carries the baby; its cellular memory is able to record this fact. This accordingly influences the emergence of important personal qualities that remain with a person throughout his life.

After the baby is born, the development of his self-esteem occurs in four stages:

From birth to one and a half years

This is the period of tactile sensations, when the baby learns the world through touch, the care of parents and loved ones. The desired baby already in utero receives subconscious information that he is needed and significant. Once born, he needs appropriate care from his family. In infants, the analysis process is absent, but a picture emerges unconsciously:

• fed on time, lulled to sleep, played with - it means “I’m good”;
• they forgot, cry for a long time, don’t pay attention - “I’m bad, no one needs me.”

That is, from the first day of life it is important to provide the baby with enough warmth, care, and attention.

From one and a half to 3-4 years

During this period, children actively explore the world. They do this in various ways. Along with constructive actions, destructive ones can also be observed (unscrewing the wheels of a car, etc.) Depending on the reaction of loved ones, certain aspects of self-esteem are formed. Criticism and outright negativity are unacceptable. It is better to control the situation by acting subtly and delicately. It is necessary to make the baby feel independent, capable of taking responsibility for what he has done. And if something doesn’t work out, support and offer to try again.

From 4 to 6 years

Middle and senior preschool age is characterized by the emergence of awareness of oneself and one’s place among peers. It is important to a child how many friends he has, why someone doesn’t want to communicate with him, etc. When analyzing the situation, the child tends to look for the reason in himself. Therefore, if dad is tired and does not want to play ball, he should explain this to his son or daughter. Otherwise, the child will decide that the reason for his reluctance to communicate lies in his bad behavior. He will think and remember what he did wrong. That is, an unjustified feeling of guilt will appear, which negatively affects the formation of self-esteem.

From 6 to 14 years old

A difficult, interesting, lengthy stage. Here comes the formation of such qualities as:

• interest in the labor process and achieving results;
• assessment of his actions by other team members.

A child may have an unusual hobby, but rejection of his interests by others can negatively affect his development. A person will simply lose confidence in himself due to difficulties and misunderstandings in the team.

Mistakes should not be made at any stage in the development of a child’s self-esteem. Every missed moment will affect the life position of an adult.

Components of self-esteem

There are two components that underlie the psychological mechanism of self-esteem:

• cognitive
• emotional

The cognitive component represents the knowledge base about what a person can be, what qualities he can have in principle. This also includes moral characteristics, achievements in activity, and how a person manifests himself in communication.

For example, a preschooler knows that a person can be good or evil. He tries on both characteristics and concludes that he is, of course, kind.

Obviously, a 3-year-old toddler has so little experience in knowing people that his ideas about a person are limited to what his loved ones tell him. The development of the child’s cognitive processes and the expansion of his social circle will gradually serve him an invaluable service in accumulating knowledge about the individual.

By the time it comes time to enter school, the preschooler will already be comprehensively informed about personal qualities, and know a lot about how he can express himself in a given situation.

The emotional component of self-esteem (or affective) accumulates through communication with others. The social circle expands - the affective component of the self-image is enriched. Mom calls “my happiness”, “beauty”, “affectionate kitten”, and someone else’s aunt said: “What a capricious child.” A new characteristic is deposited in the child’s mind. After some time, he begins to understand in what situations he behaves capriciously.

Evaluative statements from adults contain emotional components and direct the preschooler’s attention to his behavior, thanks to which the child receives a model for forming ideas about himself.

Characteristics of self-esteem levels

From a psychological point of view, there are three levels of self-esteem. When determining this quality, one cannot operate solely in terms of “good and bad.” A more in-depth approach is needed here, taking into account some features.

Low self-esteem

If a child succumbs to the influence of others, he exhibits:

• diffidence,
• indecision,
• shyness,
• excessive caution

- These are indicators of low self-esteem. Such children simply need the approval and support of others.

The existing inferiority complex does not allow him to set high goals for himself. And the means to achieve them are not always worthy. Such children are often fixated on their failures and are afraid to change the usual course of events.

They grow up to be closed and envious, overly demanding and self-critical, cruel and vindictive people. Having decided that a loser is their role, they simply do not notice their opportunities and successes. External portrait of a person with low self-esteem:

• the head is pulled into the shoulders;
• indecisiveness in gestures and actions;
• "running" look.

Such manifestations in childhood should cause anxiety in parents and a desire to immediately try to correct the situation.

Heightened self-esteem

Often a child with high self-esteem complains that no one wants to be friends with him. This comes from the fact that he constantly tries to convince others of his superiority and requires recognition of his uniqueness. Believes he is underestimated.

Neither the advice of parents nor the opinions of others are important for such children. They take on impossible tasks and risk failure. The child attributes failure to chance, someone else’s fault. He perceives criticism as pickiness.

Children with high self-esteem gradually develop rudeness, aggression, rigidity, and quarrelsomeness. Externally, the following characteristic features are also determined:

• head held high and back straight;
• long, direct gaze;
• "commander" tone.

Such people strive to be the first in everything. This desire is worthy of praise, but it is worth explaining that not all means to achieve goals are good.

Adequate self-esteem

Success in society, in professional activities, in interpersonal relationships largely depends on a person’s ability to balance strengths and capabilities. That is, it is very important that a child develops adequate self-esteem from early childhood.

This level allows the little person to normally perceive healthy criticism, correctly assess the goals and his strengths (the chance to complete the task). A real assessment of oneself generates a feeling of stability and inner harmony. This is the key to a positive attitude towards others. A person with such a behavioral reaction will be able to fully demonstrate his advantages, compensating for his existing shortcomings.

Thanks to the descriptions presented above, you can determine the child’s level of self-esteem. And a thoughtful approach to development and education will help correct it.

How to increase a child's self-esteem?

How to increase a child's self-esteem? How to make sure that your child stops being shy about people, afraid of communication, and is able to express himself and show his abilities?

• Praise the children. Children perceive themselves the way others perceive them. I was praised, which means I'm good. They reprimanded me, which means I'm bad.

Praise stimulates children, gives them confidence, and increases self-esteem. Criticism instantly reduces it and discourages the desire to strive for something.

• If you need to criticize a child, try to do it delicately. It’s better to first praise, highlight positive qualities, and then advise what to improve to make it better. Don't call your children names, laugh at them, or humiliate them in public.
• Don't say "But". The phrase “You, of course, are great, BUT...” immediately reduces the importance of praise. It aims to indicate a deficiency.

How to fix it? “You are certainly great. I really like your work. Let's think about how we can make it even better? Maybe add this and that?”

This phrase already aims the child to continue activities and improve what has been done.

• Give children freedom of action. There is no need to specify exactly what needs to be done. Give room for imagination, ask to come up with a solution and implement it.

The child is not always helpless, he is simply prohibited from doing many things.

What influences the formation of a child’s self-esteem?

To help a growing person develop adequate self-esteem, it is necessary to use both praise and criticism wisely.

1. It may be worth paying attention to the number of comments and encouragements given to the child per day. Less praise than blame? You need to think about it, because it lowers self-esteem. Constant praise is also inappropriate.
2. Praise should not be given just like that, but for a specific deed or action. Since the authority of older relatives is a priority for children, the identification technique can be used. Example: “You are so strong, like dad!” But you should not use superlative praise: “You are the best!” or compare the child with other children. It’s better to celebrate your child’s successes dynamically: “Today you completed your lessons faster than yesterday.”
3. When criticizing or making comments, there is no need to become personal. Instead of: “You behaved disgustingly today,” it’s better to say: “You shouldn’t have quarreled with Seryozha, you could have calmly discussed the rules of the game, because you’re a wise guy.” You should often focus on your child’s strengths.

The level of self-esteem can fluctuate throughout a person’s life. The confidence that his parents instilled in him forms his core. It will help to cope with criticism or outright flattery that awaits a person on his life’s path. A child should grow up confident that he:

• self-sufficient;
• reasonable;
• able to make the right decisions.

It is also worth remembering that the example of parents, how they cope with difficulties and various everyday situations, is extremely important for their offspring.

Formation of self-esteem and its impact on development

The formation of children's self-esteem begins long before the baby begins conscious life: he understands words and knows how to speak. Almost from birth, the child feels the environment, the attitude of parents or other people towards him.

If the outside world has no irritants - no one screams, is nervous, does not blame each other, the baby feels good, confident and calm.

The child feels the touch of loving hands, hugs and kisses, and kind words instinctively. And if this is constantly present, the little person feels protected and loved.

These are the main forms for bookmarking self-esteem. A child growing up in an atmosphere of calm and kindness does not have problems with self-esteem.

If screams are constantly heard in the family, irritation is in the air, accusations are heard from morning to evening, the child becomes restless. He feels unnecessary, blames negative events and loses self-esteem.

By the age of 5, the child will have low self-esteem. He will think that he is bad, that he is to blame for the fact that his parents are fighting, he will begin to wonder “if I had not existed, probably nothing bad would have happened now.”

Anxiety, aggression, self-doubt and suspiciousness develop. Young children with low self-esteem do not know how to behave in society, do not get along well with their peers, they think that they do not want to communicate and play with them.

The girl is afraid to go up to her friends and play with dolls with them, because she thinks that they won’t accept her; they are having fun anyway. The boy is afraid to show the robot he built himself to his friends because he is afraid of ridicule.

Gradually, shyness and timidity become part of life, form character and cause complexes. Children avoid communication, prefer to spend time alone and stop striving for anything.

A child with normal self-esteem behaves calmly in any society. He is comfortable with peers and children of different ages, and at ease with adults. He is not shy about talking about himself and his hobbies, showing off his crafts and toys, and often initiates games and conversations.

Children with a stable psyche and developed self-esteem do not think about what they think about them and who they think they are. Their own opinion about themselves and the opinion of their parents is enough for them.

A special period for the formation of self-esteem

A sharp decline in self-esteem is possible when a child enters school. Parents really want their son or daughter to be the best, and they themselves are praised for their upbringing. And if a teacher complains about a student, moms and dads get disappointed and angry. Moreover, they are angry with themselves, with their unjustified expectations. And they take out the negativity on the child.

The first-grader feels that the adults have united and become “one line.” Together they begin to teach and express negativity towards the child. How can you avoid lowering your self-esteem?

Parents need to understand that they are support, that “wall” on which you can lean. Even if there are bad grades or something is wrong with behavior, relatives need to take the side of the younger family member. Try to figure it out, help. Tell the teacher: “You may be right in some ways, but we diligently did our homework yesterday. We’ll learn some more and fix everything.” And for your son or daughter, find words that will help restore balance. That is, to praise for efforts around the house, etc.

In any situation, the child must remember that his parents love him! Talk about it, show it with actions. The baby should know that no matter how angry mom (dad) is, they are there and will always support.

In some situations, visits to a psychologist are necessary to determine the level of self-esteem. This will help adults understand whether they behave correctly in specific situations and in general towards their child.

How to build adequate self-esteem

First of all, I would like to note that adequate self-esteem is an important indicator in the formation of an individual’s mental health. Such a person is able to perceive reality as it is and, without trying to change the world, easily adapts to life. The success and comfortable existence of an individual in society depends on adequate self-esteem. If you are determined to raise a healthy and happy child, and this is what all parents dream of, think about your behavior.

There comes a period when girls copy their mothers, and boys copy their fathers. Much depends on the attitude of parents towards each other. And remember that children have very developed intuition. Don't try to deceive them with an external picture. If mom or dad are not confident in themselves, cannot defend their opinion and constantly complain about life, you should not think that the baby does not notice this. Below we describe in more detail several effective techniques for developing adequate children's self-esteem. Check yourself to see if everything is fine in your family.

Check whether excessive conditions have been created

Let's say you start to notice that your child is overly criticizing himself. Expressions began to appear in his vocabulary: “I can’t do anything,” “I’ll never succeed,” “I’ll never be able to.” Let's figure it out. The key point here is: “they began to notice.” That is, before the child was cheerful, showed interest in knowledge, and suddenly it doesn’t work out and he doesn’t want anything.

Let's look at an example. Two girls studied in 5-A: Masha and Katya. Both were diligent students, were very friendly, and their parents also communicated well with each other. At one of the family holidays, Katya’s mother said that her daughter has an incredible talent for drawing and she is very happy about it. “Drawing is wonderful, not like some dangerous sport,” the woman said.

For some reason, Masha’s mother immediately decided that the children should definitely go to classes together, without finding out whether her daughter had this talent. “All children love to draw,” she thought. Less than two months had passed when the teacher noted Katya and began recommending her works for all kinds of children's competitions, and the Machines' works were mediocre children's drawings. The girl lost faith in her own abilities, began to study worse due to lack of self-confidence, and did not even want to be friends with her friend, who turned out to be more successful than her.

Everything could have turned out differently if Masha’s mother had not created inflated conditions for her.

Do not force anything on your children, rather help them decide on their desires, and if the child does not have any special talents, praise him for good grades, because this is his work. Just don’t compare him with others in his favor, this may have negative consequences in the future.

Peer opinion

Indeed, the opinion of peers is very important. First, understand the situation: if someone said something bad about your son or daughter, this is not a reason to run to school to restore justice. The child's psyche is a fragile thing and breaks very quickly. The criteria for assessing children are very high and sometimes defy logic.

Children may mock only because a peer is slightly fatter or is a better student than others. If there is open bullying, it is better to transfer to another school. Most likely, absolutely normal and adequate relationships will develop in the new team. Give your teenager a chance to correct the situation on his own and feel important in the team. Have a conversation about what not to do. Remember, you should not criticize your child. You can evaluate actions, but not a person.

If the situation is not critical and the teenager asks for some non-standard items in his wardrobe, so as not to stand out from the crowd of his peers, ask him to justify his request. If he wants ripped jeans, and he made this decision on his own, then why not. Sometimes it is better to sacrifice your parental principles for the future benefit of the whole family.

Praise

Children and adults are very similar. Unless an adult has more responsibility. If the question arises about how to help increase children's self-esteem, listen to yourself. To help you? That's right, praise! You like it when management praises you, even if without a promotion and without an increase in wages, but how nice it is to hear praise for the good result of the work you have done.

So the baby is pleased when you praise him. Just praise for what you do, and not just like that. A developing personality must have a clear understanding of what is good and what is bad. This is how adequate self-esteem and assessment of reality as a whole are formed.

Overcome difficulties

Here again there is an intersection with adult life. For example, you have a catastrophic lack of time to go to the gym, but the desire to get your dream figure outweighs. After a hard day at work, you rush to the gym and after a few months the long-awaited result is noticeable. Would you be proud of yourself? Naturally, yes! Increased self-esteem is guaranteed.

So it is with a child’s self-esteem. Overcoming difficulties, the baby will learn to respect and love himself. You should not aim at global tasks. Start small. Let the baby do pull-ups on the horizontal bar with daddy's help 3-4 times. Achievement? Certainly! Don't forget to praise your son.

Girls, especially in adolescence, are not confident in their beauty and attractiveness. Uncertainty takes a huge toll on self-esteem. Take your daughter to a salon or a photo shoot. See how her mood changes. Transformation in appearance and self-acceptance is an important point in the formation of adequate self-esteem.

Methods for diagnosing self-esteem in children

The level of self-esteem in preschool age constantly fluctuates. The goal of parents is to promote the formation of the ability to correctly evaluate themselves and their actions in relation to a specific situation. Adults must clearly know what needs to be worked on, so it is important to be able to analyze the characteristics of self-esteem.

There are various techniques, the results of which determine the side requiring correction. They are designed based on questions that are asked directly to the test taker. These include:

• “Self-esteem of a preschooler” - T. V. Dragunova’s technique;
• “What am I?” — developer R.S. Nemov;
• “Ladder” - according to V. G. Shchur.

Let's look at one of them in more detail.

“Ladder” technique

Beginning of the conversation : questions about the composition of the family, immediate relatives, friends, environment.

Actions : an adult draws a 10-step staircase and says that there are people on the steps:

• on the bottom - the worst;
• on the second - a little better;
• at the top are the best.

The child is asked to draw himself on one of the steps, and then tell him why he chose this particular step for himself.

Afterwards the following task is given: what level does he think his mother (father and other relatives) would place him on? Also find out why he thinks this way.

If, in the opinion of the test taker, for some reason the mother did not place the child at the highest level, find out who could have put him there? You also need to ask who prepared only the bottom step for him?

Analysis of test results:

• if the child has chosen the bottom three positions for himself, self-esteem is low;
• from 4 to 7 - adequate (average);
• the top three are overpriced.

Normal result:

• the child places himself on high levels and believes that he is “good”;
• it’s great if the person being tested puts himself in the 2-3rd position, and his mother (someone close to him) - in the highest;
• if a child behaves badly in kindergarten and the teacher “puts” him on the bottom step, this is also normal.

Unfavorable development of the situation:

• puts himself on the lower steps, which means he is not confident in himself;
• the child puts himself higher than his mother would put him;
• The test taker would have occupied a high level in the opinion of a friend, and not someone close to him.

When testing younger schoolchildren, it is necessary to find out where the teacher would place him, in the child’s opinion. And analyze children's explanations about this.

The self-esteem of girls in primary school is usually higher than that of boys. This is due to the fact that girls are often more diligent and achieve good results in their studies. School success is the most significant criterion at this age.

Three main types of self-assessment by children

There are 3 options for the results of self-esteem studies: adequate (but this is very rare for children, as you understand), underestimated or overestimated. These studies are carried out to identify deviations. Let us examine in more detail the positive and negative aspects of all three options.

Overpriced

Such children are overly self-confident and, as a rule, overly independent. The rules of society are not written for them and only they can decide what to do. A child with high self-esteem does not even need parental advice and knows what to do. Ready to take on the most difficult tasks, thereby risking failure because he did not adequately assess his strength.

Such children should always be the first and their desire is commendable, the main thing is not to cross the line. The child needs to be explained that not all means are good on the way to the goal. Such a kid prefers not to comply with agreements; he is not interested in it and the condemnation of society is absolutely indifferent.

Understated

At primary school age, a child’s self-esteem is often low. The kid refuses difficult tasks, doubting his own abilities. The child deliberately refuses high marks because he is not confident in himself. This entails more serious problems. For example, isolation, problems communicating with peers. The child deliberately lowers his standards, which is why it is so important to praise the child and not just like that, but for his achievements. Even if they are small and insignificant, the parents’ task is to focus on the positive aspects.

Don't let your child think about troubles, set him up for positive thinking and let him know that your child deserves better.

Adequate

It is very rare for a child to have adequate self-esteem, but it still exists. Such children are sociable, active and enjoy learning. Difficult tasks do not frighten them. If they failed to complete the task, they will adequately accept criticism and take into account everything the teacher said. Usually the whole team is drawn to such children, as they know how to interest and organize their peers.

Development of self-esteem in preschoolers and primary schoolchildren

Self-esteem is formed on the basis of other people's perception of personality. Therefore, in order for a child to learn to adequately compare his capabilities, actions and demands on himself, it is important from the first days to correctly relate to his appearance, growing up, and formation. The main role in this case is given to parents and close circle.

The baby should feel the love of his family all the time. It is especially important at night to confirm your attitude through actions, since the dark time of day for a child is something unknown that gives rise to fear. Parental support (bedtime story, bedtime ritual) gives a feeling of love and security.

The older a child gets, the more he realizes his importance among other people. The basis for judgments about oneself is his assessment by adults. Children under three years of age are most often constantly praised. Most three-year-olds develop slightly inflated self-esteem. But we shouldn’t rush to change anything just yet. Criticism for balance is now inappropriate and even dangerous. If you lower your self-esteem now, it will be harder to cope with it later. A preschooler needs an adequate assessment of his actions and actions. That is, it is necessary to dose praise and blame fairly.

For older preschoolers and younger schoolchildren, the place they occupy in society becomes incredibly important. Communication with peers greatly influences self-esteem, so the task of parents is not to forget about the existence of this aspect of influence. Tactful advice from parents, their love and understanding is the most important potential for the formation of adequate self-esteem.

At this age, it is important to explain that failures can happen in life. Helping people learn to extract positive experiences from them is also the task of loved ones. To do this, invite the growing person to answer the question: “Why did this happen? What lesson can be learned from this situation?

Why is self-esteem needed?

Self-esteem of a preschool child performs several functions at once. It helps him adequately perceive his peers, his parents, and understand whether he did the right thing.

The most common values ​​for a child’s self-assessment include the following roles:

• educational;
• stimulating;
• motivating;
• analytical.

Self-assessment at primary school age in the educational format makes it possible to independently evaluate your results. This way, the student can understand for himself what exactly he needs to learn and what mistakes still need to be worked on. If a child has an adequate assessment of himself, then in the learning process he can do without the help of his parents.

Also, a reasonable self-esteem of a preschool child can encourage the child to once again try his hand at completing, for example, a difficult task. Thanks to increased motivation, children achieve success. With analytical thinking, a student can independently structure his knowledge, organize acquired skills and experience.

Such functions are key points in particular in the development of self-esteem in younger schoolchildren. In any type of activity, the student develops various skills. For example, he can improve in a school environment, in everyday matters, and in games with peers. This is how adequate self-esteem is formed in children.

What to do if a child has high self-esteem?

In order not to create conditions for the formation of inflated self-esteem in a preschooler, it is necessary:

• involve him in doing ordinary household chores that he can do (water flowers, put away toys, etc.);
• don’t over-praise—you shouldn’t admire his ability to eat with a spoon, but it should be noted that he did it carefully;
• praise for taking initiative;
• show an example of adequately assessing your own failures and successes;
• do not compare your baby with others, comparisons are made only in dynamics (today you are better than yesterday);
• spend a lot of time with him.

Show genuine interest in his life.

There are certain phrases that will help form normal self-esteem. They are equally relevant for children with high or low levels. These include:

1. “ Your life does not consist only of your successes ” - shows that the desire for something is important, and not just the result.
2. “ It’s not a shame to make a mistake, it’s worse to do nothing ” - failure can befall anyone, making the wrong choice is quite normal. The important thing is not to give up.
3. “ Unfortunately, injustice also happens ” - not everything turns out the way we want it, but we shouldn’t give up trying to achieve something.

Games for children with high self-esteem

Since a child with high self-esteem often considers himself unique, it is necessary to create situations in which the importance of everyone can be seen. For example:

1. “Magic glasses”

Goal : teach to notice not only something good in yourself, but also in others.

Age : 4 years and older.

Action : You can use masquerade glasses. Whoever puts them on sees only the good in people. Give an example by wearing them. As we approach the participants in the game, we note something special in each one. For example: “Sasha knows how to draw a fish beautifully. Sveta recites poetry well.” They try on glasses one by one, offering to talk about the merits of the person they looked at. You can repeat good qualities, but it is better to help you choose new words, emphasizing something special about your friend.

2. “Our rhythm”

Purpose of the game : to help children understand that correct joint actions create a common, harmonious rhythm.

Age : 4-6 years.

Actions : The adult sets the general rhythm by clapping, the children join in, clearly repeating the strength and tempo of the clapping. The adult slows down the rhythm. Accordingly, the children do the same, gradually calming down. Repeat, offering to set the rhythm for one of the children (choosing children with different levels of self-esteem).

3. "The Biggest Ball"

Goal : to make it clear that, being in equal conditions, everyone can win.

Age : 6 years.

Actions : Everyone has the same balloons. Offer to fool them. The winner is the one who gets the biggest one. The game can be continued. For example, toss up who is higher.

It is important to correctly comment on the outcome of games and exercises in accordance with the goal.

MAGAZINE Preschooler.RF

Objectivity of self-esteem is included in one of the components of psychological readiness for school – personal readiness. Therefore, the formation of adequate self-esteem becomes an important issue for parents and teachers.

Self-esteem is a person’s assessment of his capabilities, qualities and place among other people.

A preschooler’s self-esteem is formed, on the one hand, under the influence of adults’ praise and their assessments of the child’s achievements, and on the other hand, under the influence of the sense of independence and success that the child experiences in various activities.

A healthy atmosphere in the family, the desire to understand and support the child, sincere participation and empathy, a sense of psychological security - these are the components for the formation of positive adequate self-esteem in the child.

A child with high self-esteem may believe that he is right in everything. He strives to control other children, seeing their weaknesses, but not seeing his own, often interrupts, treats others down, and tries with all his might to attract attention to himself. From a child with high self-esteem you can hear: “I am the best.” With inflated self-esteem, children are often aggressive and belittle the achievements of other children.

If a child's self-esteem is low, most likely he is anxious and unsure of his own abilities. Such a child always thinks that he will be deceived, offended, underestimated, always expects the worst, and builds a defensive wall of mistrust around himself. He strives for solitude, is touchy, and indecisive. Such children adapt poorly to new conditions. When performing any task, they are set up for failure, finding insurmountable obstacles. Children with low self-esteem often refuse new activities for fear of failure, overestimate the achievements of other children and do not attach importance to their own successes.

Low, negative self-esteem in a child is extremely unfavorable for the full development of the individual. Such children are in danger of developing the attitude “I am bad”, “I can’t do anything”, “I am a loser”.

With adequate self-esteem, the child creates around himself an atmosphere of honesty, responsibility, compassion and love. He feels valued and respected. He believes in himself, although he is able to ask for help, is able to make decisions, and can admit that there are mistakes in his work. He values ​​himself, and therefore is ready to value those around him. Such a child has no barriers that prevent him from experiencing a variety of feelings towards himself and others. He accepts himself and others as they are.

So, a preschooler sees himself through the eyes of close adults who are raising him. If the assessment and expectations in the family do not correspond to the characteristics of the child, his ideas about himself will be distorted.

Adequate self-esteem helps a preschooler master new activities and, without doubt or fear, get involved in preparation for school.

To develop adequate self-esteem in a child

• Don’t protect your child from everyday affairs, don’t try to solve all his problems for him, but don’t overload him either. Let your child help with the cleaning, enjoy the work done and receive well-deserved praise. Set feasible tasks for your child so that he can feel skillful and useful.
• Don't overpraise your child, but don't forget to reward him when he deserves it.
• Remember that to form adequate self-esteem, both praise and punishment must also be adequate.
• Encourage initiative in your child.
• Show by your example the adequacy of your attitude towards successes and failures. Compare: “Mom’s pie didn’t turn out well - well, that’s okay, next time we’ll put more flour . Or: “Horror! The pie didn't work out! I will never bake again!” .
• Don't compare your child to other children. Compare him with himself (what he was yesterday or will be tomorrow).
• Scold for specific actions, not in general.
• Remember that negative feedback is the enemy of interest and creativity.
• Analyze his failures together with your child, drawing the right conclusions. You can tell him something using your example, so the child will feel an atmosphere of trust and understand that you are closer to him.
• Try to accept your child for who he is.

Games and tests that will help determine your child's self-esteem

Test "Ladder" ("Ten steps")

Draw on a piece of paper or cut out a ladder of 10 steps. Now show it to the child and explain that on the lowest step there are the worst (angry, envious, etc.) boys and girls, on the second step - a little better, on the third even better, and so on. But at the very top step are the smartest (good, kind) boys and girls. It is important that the child correctly understands the location on the steps; you can ask him about this.

Now ask: on what step would he stand? Let him draw himself on this step or put a doll. Now you have completed the task, all that remains is to draw conclusions.

If a child places himself on the first, 2nd step from the bottom, then he has low self-esteem, if on the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, then he has average (adequate) , and if it is on the 9th, 10th, then self-esteem is too high.

Attention: in preschoolers, self-esteem is considered too high if the child constantly puts himself at the 10th level.

“Name” (N.V. Klyueva, N.V. Kasatkina)

This game can provide additional information about a child's self-esteem.

You can invite your child to come up with a name that he would like to have, or leave his own. Ask why he doesn't like or like his name, why he would like to be called differently. This game can provide additional information about your baby's self-esteem. After all, often giving up one’s name means that the child is dissatisfied with himself or wants to be better than he is now.

“Playing out situations” (N.V. Klyueva, Yu.V. Kasatkina)

The child is offered situations in which he must portray himself. Situations can be different, invented or taken from life. Other roles during the enactment are performed by one of the parents or other children. Sometimes it is useful to switch roles. Example situations:

• You took part in the competition and took first place, and your friend was almost last. He was very upset. Help him calm down.
• Mom brought 3 oranges for you and your sister (brother). How will you divide them? Why?
• The guys from your group in kindergarten are playing an interesting game, and you are late, the game has already started. Ask to be accepted into the game. What will you do if the children don't want to accept you? (This game will help your child learn effective behavior patterns and use them in real life.)

Techniques for increasing a child’s self-esteem:

1. Ask for advice as an equal or elder. Be sure to follow the child’s advice, even if it is far from the best, since the educational result is more important than any other.
2. Ask for help as a peer or elder.
3. There are moments when an all-powerful adult needs to be a junior - weak, dependent, helpless, defenseless... from a child!

Already at the age of 5-7, this technique, used from time to time, can give miraculous results.

Techniques for normalizing a child’s high self-esteem:

1. Teach your child to listen to the opinions of people around him.
2. Take criticism calmly, without aggression.
3. Teach to respect the feelings and desires of other children, as they are just as important as your own feelings and desires.

We praise and punish

Of great importance in the formation of a child’s self-esteem is the interested attitude of an adult, approval, praise, support and encouragement - they stimulate the child’s activities and form moral habits of behavior. Physiologist D.V. Kolesov O. If a child does not receive timely approval during an activity, he develops a feeling of insecurity.

However, you also need to praise correctly! Understanding how important praise is for a child, it must be used very skillfully. Vladimir Levi, author of the book “The Non-Standard Child,” believes that there is no need to praise a child in the following cases:

1. For what was not achieved through one’s own labor - physical, mental or spiritual.
2. Beauty and health are not subject to praise. All natural abilities as such, including good character.
3. Toys, things, clothes, random finds.
4. You can't praise out of pity.
5. Out of a desire to please.

Praise

It is important to remember that absolutely all children are talented in their own way. Parents should be more attentive to their children in order to find the talent inherent in the child and develop it. It is important to encourage any child’s desire for self-expression and development. Under no circumstances should you tell a child that he will not become a great singer, dancer, etc. With such phrases, you not only discourage a child from wanting to do anything, but also deprive him of self-confidence, lower his self-esteem, and reduce motivation.

Be sure to praise your children for any achievements: for good grades at school, for winning sports competitions, for a beautiful drawing.

One of the methods of praise can be an advance, or praise for what will happen. Approval in advance will instill in the child faith in himself and his strength: “You can do it!” , “You can almost do it!” , “You will definitely succeed!” , "I believe in you!" , “You will succeed!” etc. Praising a child in the morning is an advance for the whole long and difficult day.

Vladimir Levi advises remembering the child’s suggestibility. If you say, “Nothing will ever come of you!” , “You are incorrigible, you have only one road (to prison, to the police, to an orphanage, etc.)” - then don’t be surprised if this happens. After all, this is a real direct suggestion, and it works. The child may believe in your attitudes.

Punishments

Not only encouragement, but also punishment plays an important role in the formation of self-esteem. When punishing a child, you should follow a number of recommendations.

1. Punishment should not harm health - neither physical nor psychological. Moreover, punishment must be useful.
2. If there is any doubt whether to punish or not to punish, do not punish. Even if they have already realized that they are usually too soft and indecisive. No "prevention" .
3. One punishment at a time. The punishment can be severe, but only one, for everything at once.
4. Punishment is not at the expense of love. Whatever happens, do not deprive your child of your warmth.
5. Never take away things given by you or anyone else - ever!
6. You can cancel the punishment. Even if he acts so outrageously that it couldn’t be worse, even if he just yelled at you, but at the same time today he helped the sick or protected the weak. Don't forget to explain to your child why you did this.
7. It is better not to punish than to punish belatedly. Belated punishments instill in the child the past and prevent him from becoming different.
8. Punished - forgiven. If the incident is over, try not to remember the “old sins” . Don't bother me to start living again. Remembering the past, you run the risk of creating a feeling of “eternal guilt” .
9. No humiliation. If the child believes that we are unfair, punishment will have the opposite effect.

We do not punish:

1. If the child feels unwell or is sick.
2. When a child eats, after sleep, before bed, during play, while working.
3. Immediately after mental or physical trauma.
4. When a child cannot cope with fear, with inattention, with mobility, with irritability, with any shortcoming, making sincere efforts. And in all cases when something doesn’t work out.
5. When the internal motives of an action are unclear to us.
6. When we ourselves are not ourselves, when we are tired, upset or irritated for some reason...

Good luck in your cooperation with your child!

Strategies for influencing people

Basic strategies for influencing people:

• Imperative influence
• Manipulative influence.

The first is characterized by the function of controlling a person’s behavior and attitudes, including the process of strengthening them and directing them in the right direction. It also includes a coercive function towards the target.

The implementation of this strategy often occurs when, for certain reasons, a person is limited in his ability to take independent actions or make decisions. As part of social practice, this strategy is appropriate and effective in extreme situations, when, under time pressure, it is necessary to make quick and important decisions. It can also be useful in regulating hierarchical relationships between people in a “closed” organization (for example, in military institutions) and in certain subcultures. This strategy plays an important role in the system of administrative relations.

Manipulative strategy usually refers to the phenomenon of interpersonal influence. This is the same one-dimensional, objective, monolithic view of human nature. As a rule, it relegates people to a passive role and depersonalizes their unique nature.

The essence and content of the concept of self-respect

The problem of self-esteem, as one of the central problems of personality psychology, has been studied in the works of various domestic and foreign psychologists. Among them the following authors can be distinguished: L.I. Bozhovich, L.V. Borozdina, L.S. Vygotsky, A.V. Zakharova, B.V. Zeigarnik, A.N. Leontyev, A.I. Lipkina, M.I. Lisina, V.S. Merlin, V.S. Mukhina, E.I. Savonko, V.F. Safin, E.A. Serebryakova, GL. Sobieva, A.G. Spirkin, V.V. Stolin, S.L. Rubinstein, P.R. Chamata, I.I. Chesnokova, P.M. Jacobson; A. Adler, A. Bandura, R. Burns, I. Branden, W. James, F. Zimbardo, S. Coopersmith, K. Levine, K. Rogers, M. Rosenberg, 3rd Freud, K. Horney.

In the psychology of other people, self-esteem is considered in the structure of “self-knowledge,” which is defined as the totality of all a person’s ideas about himself related to his assessment.

Psychoanalytic theory takes the position that the self-perceptions formed in the mind of an individual are incomplete, distorted and do not correspond to reality. According to Freud, self-esteem is formed under the pressure of the conflict between internal motivations and external prohibitions; Because of this constant conflict, adequate self-esteem is impossible.

Neo-Freudians believed that a person is directed in behavior by the demands of the social environment, incompatible with his basic motives, and therefore is not able to form adequate value judgments about himself. K. Horney suggested the importance of the relationship between the “real self” and the “idealized self” for the formation of personality, G. Sullivan traced the influence of various types of early personifications (emotionally charged images of oneself and other people) on the formation of character.

Poveds analyze self-esteem from the point of view of cognitive theory (A. Bandura, G. Mead, B. Skinner). A. Bandura considers self-esteem as a factor that enhances actions; he defines self-esteem as one of the components that regulate behavior. A wide range of human behavior is regulated by self-esteem reactions, which are expressed in self-satisfaction, pride in one's achievements, self-dissatisfaction and self-criticism.

In the humanistic theory, A. Maslow, R. May, G. Allport and K. Rogers believed that the image of a person can be incomplete and distorted. The opinions of other people, ideas assimilated from childhood, one’s own claims, all of this, under certain conditions, forms an image that does not correspond to the objective structure of the personality. To change this image and achieve adequate self-esteem, it is necessary to change the real system of relations in which it has developed, that is, to change the social position of the individual, the system of his relations with other people, the nature of his activities.

The interactional approach (M. Webster, K. Cooley, M. Mead, B. Sobitschek) focuses on personality, which is formed on the basis of the experiences a person has when interacting with other people. That is, a person’s self-esteem and self-perception are determined by the reactions and opinions of other people about the person. Cooley created the “Mirror Self” theory, according to which subjectively interpreted feedback from others is important as the main source of data about oneself.

A representative of the phenomenological approach, N. Branden, points out that self-esteem, a person’s idea of ​​himself, plays an important role in understanding a person. He defines self-esteem as an aspect of self-respect, a person's confidence that the methods of interaction with reality that he uses are fundamentally correct and correspond to the requirements of reality. Self-esteem functions as a prerequisite for effective interaction with the world and has a profound influence on a person's thought processes, emotions, desires, values ​​and goals.

Thus, foreign psychologists consider self-esteem primarily as a mechanism that ensures that an individual’s requirements for himself correspond to external conditions, i.e. maximum balance of a person with his social environment. At the same time, they understand the social environment itself as hostile to the individual. Limiting the role of self-esteem to an adaptive function only denies human activity and the function of self-esteem as one of the mechanisms that implements this activity.

How to determine a preschooler's self-esteem

Diagnostics of self-esteem helps to identify problems of personality development and self-knowledge of children of senior preschool age. Timely detected assessment deviations from the norm are easily corrected. The “Ladder” technique is a well-known method for diagnosing the type of self-esteem of a preschooler. The test helps to identify the attitude towards oneself, as well as determine how, in one’s opinion, others evaluate him. Such testing is quite accessible to parents. It can be done in a playful way.

To carry out the test, you will need a sheet of paper, a drawn staircase of seven steps, a figurine of a boy or girl, and a pencil. You need to ask the children to place the figure opposite the step they want to choose. The guys need to voice the following conditions :

• the first step is the best guys;
• the second place was taken by the good guys;
• the third is neither bad nor good;
• fourth – more bad than good;
• fifth – bad;
• sixth – very bad;
• The seventh place was taken by the worst guys.

The chosen step will be an indicator of self-esteem. Interpretation of test results :

1. the first and second steps are chosen by children with high self-esteem;
2. the third step speaks of adequate self-esteem;
3. the fourth - sixth show an underestimation;
4. the seventh is extremely underestimated.

The results of the technique help to reveal children’s internal problems, correct self-esteem, and develop the ability to correctly assess one’s own personality.

What are the dangers of low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem is directly related to quality of life. Low self-esteem will prevent a person from becoming happy. A person who is dissatisfied with himself cannot be happy. Relationships in society for such a person do not work out. As a rule, a dream job remains a dream forever, since self-doubt does not give a chance to express oneself. And these are the smallest reasons why low self-esteem should be corrected. The tendency to depression in adulthood is also the result of inadequate self-esteem.

Low self-esteem of preschoolers

Low self-esteem in children of senior preschool age is rare and is a deviation in personality formation. The characteristics of such guys are manifested in their behavior:

• very often they are characterized by shyness, isolation, an unstable emotional background, for example, they may suddenly burst into tears;
• they try to avoid responsible decisions and take a deliberately simple position;
• during public speaking they show lower results than when performing individual work;
• feeling failure, they stop performing any activity;
• they have few friends, as they try to avoid large companies.

Insecure children often have dysfunctional families and low social status. This causes constant ridicule from their peers and places them in the category of outcasts. Incorrect assessment of personality can arise as a result of a constant negative environment created by the parents themselves. For example, the mother constantly pulls the baby back, scolds him for any mistakes and pranks, and doubts his abilities. The kid is sure that if he did not cope well with one task, he will also not complete another task. Children with low self-esteem have the following problems :

• conflict when communicating with peers;
• have poor personality development;
• They often display anger and hostility.

Important! Adults should remember: senior preschool age is a period when every rude word and unfounded criticism can have a detrimental effect on socialization. The child needs to be loved, supported, accepted all his qualities, and helped to get rid of negative ones.

Features and types of influence

The phenomenon of interpersonal (psychological) influence has an important feature. In his research, it is necessary to appoint an initiator of influence (the one who first makes an attempt to influence) and an addressee of influence (the one to whom this attempt is directed).

From a psychological point of view, constructive influence must meet three criteria:

• The impossibility of destroying the identity of the persons involved, including their relationships;
• Psychological correctness (ability to read, freedom from mistakes);
• Satisfying the needs of both parties.

Types of influence include persuasion, self-promotion, suggestion, contagious attraction, and coercion. Persuasion is the deliberate, motivated influence on other people or a group of people. Its purpose is to change judgments, attitudes, intentions or decisions. It must meet several conditions. First, the recipient's consent must be obtained before persuasive argumentation is used.

Self-promotion consists of declaring one's goals and demonstrating one's competence and qualifications. It is necessary for assessment, to gain an advantage in the competition for a position, etc.

Induction is the conscious or unconscious inappropriate influence of another person (group). Its goal is to change one’s state, attitude towards certain things or predisposition to certain actions. Contagion consists of transferring one's own state (attitude) to other people. People, in a sense, begin to accept this condition or attitude.

Coercion is characterized by the threat of using one's controlling power to force the recipient to behave in a desired way. Controlling power is the power to deprive the recipient of any benefits or to change his living or working conditions.

Manipulation is another type of interpersonal influence. It consists of secretly forcing the recipient to experience the appropriate states, make decisions and take actions necessary to achieve the initiator's own goals.